Understanding Forgiveness
Overview
Understanding Forgiveness
The Greek word translated "forgive" carries the idea of sending away. In Colossians 2:12–14, Paul declares that God forgave us all our trespasses, "erasing the record that stood against us with its legal demands" and nailing it to the cross. Psalm 103:12 gives us the picture: "As far as the east is from the west, so far He removes our transgressions from us." To forgive another person, then, is to let the offense go—to stop carrying it, to stop holding it against them.
What Forgiveness Is Not
Much of the difficulty we face in forgiving comes from confusing forgiveness with other things. Six clarifications help:
- It is not condoning. Isaiah 5:20 warns against calling evil good. Forgiving someone never requires us to rename their sin as acceptable.
- It is not reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance from the one who wounded us. Romans 12:18 tells us to live peaceably "if it is possible, so far as it depends on you"—acknowledging that full reconciliation isn't always possible. In situations of verbal or physical abuse, it may not even be wise to restore the relationship, though forgiveness is still commanded.
- It is not about justice. We are not obligated to shield offenders from the consequences of their actions. Paul forgave Alexander the coppersmith but still warned the church about him 2 Timothy 4:14. Colossians 3:23–25 reminds us that "the wrongdoer will be paid back."
- It is not about the offender. Forgiveness is about our own obedience to the Lord, not about what the other person deserves.
- It is not forgetting. Only God can forgive in the sense of remembering sin no more (Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 8:12; Hebrews 10:16–17). We cannot manufacture amnesia, but by His grace we can daily set the past behind us.
- It is not passive revenge. The cold shoulder, secret satisfaction at another's misfortune, or the outward appearance of peace masking inward bitterness—none of this is forgiveness. Samson's cycle of retaliation in Judges 15 shows the destructiveness of revenge in any form.
Forgiveness as a Daily Work of Grace
Because we cannot truly forget, forgiveness is rarely a one-time act. When the face of the person returns to mind and the hurt rises again, that is the moment to forgive afresh. The pain may lessen over time, but it can linger—and each remembrance becomes another opportunity to send the offense away.
Crucially, forgiveness is not a self-improvement project. God does not command us to forgive and then leave us to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. Philippians 4:19 promises that He will supply every need according to His riches in glory. Galatians 2:20 reminds us that it is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us. What God commands, God empowers. Forgiveness begins with the honest confession, "I cannot do this on my own"—and then receives the grace that makes it possible to let it go, again and again.
Transcript
We're going to examine today in the topic of forgiveness. 0s
We're going to look at understanding forgiveness. 6s
Well, let's start with Colossians II chapter. 9s
Colossians 2, that's in the New Testament. 12s
Matthew Mark, Luke John, Acts, and then Romans. 16s
1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, 20s
Philippians, and then Colossians. 24s
Colossians, and we'll start in chapter 2. 29s
Colossians chapter 2, and we'll pick up with verse 12. 33s
Chapter 2 of verse 12. 38s
It's mid-sentence, but I think we'll get the gift. 44s
Giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share 49s
in the inheritance of the saints in the light. 54s
He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us 59s
into the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption 66s
the forgiveness of sins. 72s
Some key words there, just to highlight briefly the word, 77s
of course, rescued. 79s
We're rescued out of the power of, oh, I'm sorry. 81s
What am I in? 86s
Oh, I'm in the wrong verse. 87s
Where am I? 91s
Well, let me peek ahead and see. 94s
See if I actually was in the right verse. 99s
Here. 101s
Yeah, when you were doing? 102s
Chapter 1, I was chapter 1. 104s
Yeah, I know. 108s
I think I might want to be there, though. 109s
So let me check my notes and see in Colossians 2, if I... 111s
Yeah, that's a really good verse. 120s
Because what it sets up is Colossians chapter 2. 127s
Let's go there. 133s
Colossians chapter 2. 135s
So in verse 14, thanks, we, the God, it mentions the subject of forgiveness in chapter 1, 138s
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 144s
We'll pick up Colossians 2 now, verse 12. 148s
Thank you, Mark. 151s
When you were buried with Him in baptism, you were also raised with Him through faith in the power of God, who raised Him from the dead. 153s
And when you were dead in trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive together with Him. 164s
When He forgave us all our trespasses, erasing the record that stood against us with its legal demands, 171s
He set this aside, nailing it to the cross. 182s
The Greek word for forgive is a word that means to send away. 189s
To send away. 195s
Let's take a look at Psalm 103, Psalm 103, verse 12. 198s
A good way to find the book of Psalms is just to go right to the middle. 204s
Psalm 103, verse 12. 209s
And here we get the image of forgiveness. 222s
As far as the east is from the west, so far He removes our transgressions from us. 228s
Transgressions are sent away. 242s
They are put aside. 245s
When we forgive others then, we are letting it go. 248s
We're letting it go. 254s
We're not holding the transgression against them. 256s
We don't continue to carry the offense. 260s
We let it go. 265s
We send it away. 267s
Forgiveness is hard, isn't it? 272s
Forgiveness is hard. 277s
Well, it's important to understand what forgiveness is not. 281s
What forgiveness is not. 286s
One of the things that forgiveness is not is it's not condoning. 289s
It's not condoning the words or the actions of the person. 295s
A barrier to us forgiving others is that we can falsely think 303s
that if we forgive someone, if we forgive them, then somehow we are condoning what they said. 309s
Or condoning their behavior. 318s
Or somehow they're getting away with it if we forgive. 321s
Let's take a look at Isaiah chapter 5. 327s
If you're in the Psalms, so keep moving toward the New Testament. 330s
You're going to hit Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, then Isaiah, 334s
chapter 5, verse 20. 341s
Isaiah 5, verse 20. 351s
And there we read, ah, you who call evil good and good evil. 357s
Who put darkness for light and light for darkness? 363s
Scripture forbids us to call that which is evil good, which is dark. 369s
We're forbidden to call it light. 374s
In terms of forgiveness, we can think that if we forgive, then somehow we can't 377s
come somehow. 383s
They're getting away with the darkness. 384s
They're getting away with what they said. 387s
So it's not condoning. 393s
Second, forgiveness is not reconciliation. 396s
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. 403s
Reconciliation is a different word. 407s
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. 410s
Reconciliation only occurs when the person who has offended you repents of that which they have said or when they've done. 415s
Then you have true reconciliation. 425s
You might arrive at a point where perhaps the two of you can coexist, can function, 429s
but has reconciliation occurred for the hurt? 438s
No. 443s
Reconciliation is dependent upon the repentance of the other person. 444s
Let's go to Romans, the 12th chapter. 452s
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and then Romans. 456s
Romans, chapter 12, verse 18. 461s
Romans 12, 18. 471s
If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all. 479s
If it's possible, so far it depends on you. 488s
See, that tells us that indeed for reconciliation to occur, that indeed that calls for repentance on the part of the person that has offended. 492s
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different. 508s
Sometimes it might not be wise even though you have forgiven the person for there to be reconciliation. 511s
For example, in a case of verbal abuse or physical abuse, that might not be wise to reconcile that relationship. 522s
That's different than forgiving the person for that of letting it go, of not holding the transgression anymore. 536s
But it might not be wise. 551s
Example, in the cases of verbal abuse and physical abuse, to reconcile that relationship. 555s
So forgiveness is not condoning. 563s
It's not reconciliation. 566s
Third, it's not about justice. 571s
It's not about justice. 576s
We are not obligated to protect someone from reaping the consequences of their behavior. 582s
We are called to forgive them for their behavior. 592s
But we're not obligated to protect one from reaping the consequences of their behavior. 597s
So, for example, one can forgive someone else, but it is wholly appropriate to oftentimes press charges against the person. 607s
See, it's not a matter of justice, it's a matter of letting go, but forgiveness doesn't mean then that the person doesn't face the consequences of that which has a reason. 622s
It's not condoning, it's not reconciliation. 637s
It's not about justice. 641s
Take a look with me. 644s
Please, it's 2 Timothy, chapter 4. 644s
We're in Romans now, so keep moving toward revelation. 648s
Hit 1st and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians. 652s
Then you hit the T-books. 657s
1st and 2nd Thessalonians. 659s
1 Timothy and then 2 Timothy. 662s
2 Timothy, chapter 4, verse 14. 665s
2 Timothy, chapter 4, verse 14. 673s
Paul writes, Alexander the Caper-Smith, did me great harm. 679s
The Lord will repay him back for his deeds. 683s
You also must beware of him for he strongly opposed our message. 688s
You know, I thought through the years, you know, here's Alexander, and Alexander's only reference in Scripture is this. 696s
I mean, how would you like that? 703s
You know, recorded in the infallible and errant Word of God for what you have done here. 704s
Was there forgiveness on the part of Paul for Alexander? 711s
Certainly, certainly. 716s
But does that mean that Paul does not warn others with regard to him? 718s
No. 725s
You see, there is a warning that goes out to the church. 726s
This person has strongly opposed the message. 729s
He's done great harm. 734s
Paul can forgive him in the sense of letting that go. 736s
But that doesn't mean that he has to protect Alexander from the consequences of his behavior. 744s
See, it's not condoning, it's not reconciliation, it's not justice. 754s
Forgiveness also is not about the offender. 761s
It's not about the person that offends you. 765s
Let's go to Colossians chapter 3. 771s
Matthew Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans, 1st and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians, Colossians chapter 3, verse 23. 774s
There we read, whatever your task, put yourselves into it as done for the Lord and not for your masters. 799s
Since you know that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. 807s
You serve the Lord Christ. 812s
The wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong has been done. 815s
There's no partiality. 821s
See, forgiveness is not about the person that offends you. 824s
It's about your actions. 828s
It's about what you do. 830s
And everything that we do is to serve the Lord. 832s
So we serve the Lord by forgiving. 838s
It's not condoning, it's not reconciliation, it's not about justice, it's not about the offender. 844s
It's also not about us forgetting. 851s
It's not about us forgetting. 857s
God is the only one that can forgive in the sense of forgetting. 860s
We don't have that ability to do that. 868s
We cannot have all of a sudden this amnesia that comes upon us with regard to the word or the action that has occurred. 871s
God forgives that way. 882s
We don't have that ability. 885s
Let's go back to Isaiah. 886s
So a good way to find that is to go to the middle to the book of Psalms. 888s
Then turn right again. 894s
Lazy Asti, song of Solomon. 897s
And then Isaiah, if you hit Jeremiah, you're too far. 900s
Isaiah 40-43, verse 25. 904s
Isaiah 43, verse 25. 908s
God says, I am He who blots out your transgressions from my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. 922s
Sometimes we can hesitate to forgive because we know deep down inside we can't forget. 938s
We don't have that ability. 946s
We don't have the ability to forget. 948s
God does. 951s
God does. He cast it as far as He is in the West. 953s
He forgets our sins. 957s
Let's go to Hebrews, the eighth chapter. 960s
Hebrews in the New Testament. 962s
Go to way to find that is to go to the book of Revelation. 964s
Slowly work your way back. 968s
You're going to hit the Peters. 971s
You're going to hit James. 973s
And then you come upon Hebrews. 975s
Hebrews chapter 8, verse 12. 977s
Here we read, I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins. 989s
No more. 1000s
Hebrews 10th chapter, verse 16. 1001s
Hebrews 10, verse 16. 1005s
This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days says the Lord. 1012s
I will put my law on their hearts, and I will write them on their minds. 1018s
He also adds, I will remember their sins, and their lawless deeds, no more. 1022s
In the Greek, that's in what's called a double negative. 1030s
It's an incredibly strong statement. 1033s
It is saying, in effect, not at all, by no means it's the double negative that is in the Greek itself to underscore how God forgets through the blood of Jesus our sin. 1037s
We can't forget our past. 1054s
We can't. 1060s
But by God's grace, we can daily put our past behind us. 1062s
We can't forget the past. 1070s
But by God's grace, we can daily put our past behind us. 1074s
Sixth, forgiveness is not what can be termed passive revenge. 1084s
Let's go to the book of Judges, please. 1097s
That's in the Old Testament, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, and then Ruth. 1101s
So Judges, chapter 15, verse 1. 1111s
Here's a story with regard to Samson. 1121s
We read in verse 1 of Judges 15. 1130s
After a while, at the time of the wheat harvest, Samson went to visit his wife, bringing along a kid. 1135s
He said, I want to go in to my wife's room. 1143s
But her father would not allow him to go in. 1148s
Her father said, I was sure that you had rejected her. 1153s
Now, now catch this. 1158s
So I gave her to your companion. 1159s
Is not her younger sister prettier than she? 1162s
Whoa, you know. 1166s
You talk about her, fool. 1168s
Why not take her instead? 1171s
Now, the father-in-law was a Philistine. 1175s
That's the backdrop to what goes on. 1179s
Verse 3, Samson said to them, 1183s
This time, when I do mischief to the Philistines, I will be without blame. 1186s
So what does he do? 1193s
Verse 4. 1195s
So Samson went and caught 300 foxes and took some torches. 1196s
And he turned the foxes tail to tail and put a torch between each pair of tails. 1201s
When he had set fire to the torches, he let the foxes go into the standing grain of the Philistines 1208s
and burned up the shocks and the standing grain as well as the vineyards and olive groves. 1216s
This is a cruel thing to do, much less to the foxes, right? 1224s
And this is cruel. 1229s
So burned up the shocks, the standing grain as well as the vineyards and olive groves. 1231s
Well, that's what Samson does. 1238s
So guess what the Philistines do, right? 1242s
Verse 6, then the Philistines asked, who's done this? 1248s
And they said, Samson, the son-in-law of the tin-night, 1253s
because he has taken Samson's wife and given her to his companion. 1258s
So the Philistines came up and burned her and her father. 1263s
Okay? 1271s
So what does Samson do? 1273s
Samson said to them, verse 7, 1279s
If this is what you do, I swear I will not stop until I have taken revenge on you. 1282s
He struck them down hip and thigh with great slaughter, 1289s
and he went down and stayed in the cleft of the rock of Eden. 1293s
That is what's called active revenge, right? 1300s
It's active revenge. 1304s
You see, it just go back and forth on this. 1305s
What's passive revenge? 1309s
Passive revenge looks like forgiveness, but it's not. 1314s
It's not. 1318s
It's the cold shoulder. 1321s
It's things like celebrating with when something negative happens to that person. 1325s
It's giving the appearance of forgiveness, 1334s
but the outward manifestation, it's just passive revenge. 1338s
Forgiveness isn't condoning, it's not reconciliation, it's not justice. 1346s
It's not about the offender, it's not forgetting, and it's not passive revenge. 1351s
What is forgiveness? 1362s
It's about sending it away. 1364s
It's about not holding that transgression. 1368s
It's about letting it go. 1373s
That means then, regarding the person who has said something or done something to you 1378s
as you forgive them today by the grace of God when you wake tomorrow, 1387s
what are you going to have to do? 1398s
Have to do it again, right? 1401s
Have to it again. 1405s
So we can't forget, we carry that with us. 1407s
The pain may lessen, but the pain can linger. 1412s
That means regarding the hurt you've experienced when you see the face of the person 1421s
and you remember that hurt again, it's the opportunity by God's grace to forgive, to forgive. 1429s
Forgiveness is done by the power that God gives us. 1442s
Remember, God is not into self-improvement projects. 1448s
He's not. 1455s
God is the transforming one. 1457s
God is the one that transforms us into the forgiver. 1462s
God is the one that empowers us to forgive. 1466s
God doesn't say, I have forgiven you in Jesus Christ. 1471s
Now, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and start forgiving people. 1477s
No. 1484s
He comes in and he transforms our life through the power of the Spirit. 1486s
He starts to take away the hesitancy and the recalcitance with regard to forgiving. 1493s
And he changes the heart. 1502s
He reminds us. 1505s
It's not condoning. 1506s
It's not about reconciliation. 1508s
It's not about justice. 1510s
It's not about the offender. 1511s
It's not about forgiving. 1514s
It's not about passive revenge. 1515s
It's about saying, I'm not going to hold. 1518s
I'm not going to let it go. 1525s
And forgiveness starts when one says, I can't on my own power do this. 1530s
I can't. 1541s
The hurt is too painful. 1543s
The words were too cutting. 1545s
I remember it every day. 1548s
It is solely by the grace of God where there is forgiveness. 1553s
Take a look with me please. 1562s
At Philippians chapter 4, verse 19, in the New Testament, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans. 1566s
1st and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, and then Philippians. 1575s
Philippians chapter 4, verse 19. 1582s
And God will fully satisfy every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ. 1597s
God doesn't give us the option to forgive. 1610s
God commands us to forgive. 1613s
And so if God commands, if God exhorts, then what God will do is give the power for the very thing that he calls us to be and to be about. 1616s
We have the need to forgive. 1630s
Because when there is the lack of forgiveness, when the sin is sent away, when we hold it against the other person, remember forgiveness is not about the offender. 1635s
It's about us. 1648s
And we will destroy ourselves. 1652s
It's what God says. 1659s
You are called to forgive. 1661s
And now there's the need. 1663s
And here comes the empowerment of that. 1665s
Let's go to Galatians chapter 2, please. 1669s
So turn back across Philippians or Ephesians. 1673s
And then hit Galatians. 1679s
Those Galatians Ephesians, Philippians, Galatians chapter 2, verse 20. 1682s
See, here's the joy for the Christian. 1689s
Verse 20 of chapter 2. 1693s
It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. 1697s
And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. 1703s
See, the temptation is to think we have to change ourselves. 1715s
Right? 1721s
And that's futile. 1722s
Why? Because for the Christian, we're no longer alive. 1724s
It is the spirit that dwells in us. 1729s
We are dead. 1732s
As one author puts it, our temptation is to try and operate on the corpse. 1734s
And so we turn forgiveness into the human act instead of the divine act of God's empowering us to forgive. 1740s
We can only forgive to the breath and the depth that God calls us to by His power and by His grace. 1750s
Forgiveness, it's not condoning, it's not reconciliation, that's a different thing. 1763s
It's not justice, it's not about the offender, 1771s
it's not about us forgetting, it's not passive revenge. 1777s
It's by the grace of God each and every day, letting it go with regard to what was said to what was done, 1785s