Forgiving Family Members

Overview

Forgiving Family Members

Family is one of God's richest gifts—the place of shared rituals, laughter, and lifelong memories. But because no one knows our strengths and weaknesses more intimately than those who share our home, families can also be a deep source of pain. Parents aren't perfect, children aren't perfect, and broken people living together will inevitably wound one another, whether intentionally or not. For this reason, forgiveness among family members is not optional; it is vital to the life of faith.

Joseph's story shows us what such forgiveness looks like. In Genesis 37, Jacob's favoritism and Joseph's dreams provoked his brothers to hatred so deep that they stripped him, threw him in a pit, and sold him into slavery. Yet from the pit Joseph went to Potiphar's house, from prison to the palace, and from slave to prince—because God was at work the whole time. When his brothers finally stood before him, Joseph could say, "Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good in order to preserve a numerous people" Genesis 50:20. Joseph also named his second son Ephraim, "for God has made me fruitful in the land of my misfortunes" Genesis 41:52. He had not forgotten the wrong; he had learned to look past the pain to the good God brought out of it. In this, Joseph foreshadows Jesus—loved by his Father, falsely accused, bound with criminals, and the means by which God brought redemption out of evil.

Forgiving a family member, then, is not denial, repression, or pretending the wound never happened. It is refusing to dwell on the offense and instead trusting God's promise that He works all things for good for those who love Him. Maybe the good is a deeper dependence on Christ. Maybe it is a new ability to minister to others who have been hurt in their own families. Either way, by God's grace we let go of the offense and stop holding it against the one who caused it—even when reconciliation is not yet wise or possible.

A second source of strength for forgiving family is remembering the massive sin debt God has forgiven us. Romans 3:10–18 lays bare how deep our own sin runs, and 1 John 1:8–9 reminds us that if we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves—but if we confess, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When we lose sight of how much we have been forgiven, forgiving others grows heavy; when we remember the cross, the perspective changes. And because old wounds resurface, forgiveness is rarely one-and-done. It is a daily practice, empowered daily by the Word, the cross, and the steadfast love of God who sends us out to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Transcript

Well, today I want to talk with you about the subject of forgiving family members, 0s

forgiving family members. You know, the family can be such a tremendous source of joy. 4s

It's a place obviously where memories are made and sometimes things that are issues now, 13s

you know, you add about 10, 15 years later and you just see laughter about it when that one is 22s

is recalling something that was just so important, sometimes between children, that was so important 30s

that just turned out to be just nothing. And so there's laughter, there's the making of the memories. 38s

There's the everyday rituals that can occur. I remember in our family, in every week ritual 45s

was Friday Family Nights. It was known that that was kind of a time just for our family. 58s

Obviously that went away here when my brother and I, when we got older and we got into high school 68s

and that type of thing, where there's other activities and those type of things. 76s

But it was those times where we could depend on where we were all together. 82s

We would eat together, we would play together, maybe watch a movie together. 87s

I mean, it was just this dependable type of ritual that that occurred. Families can be such a tremendous 93s

tremendous source of joy. Families can also be a source of pain, a source of pain. 103s

There's no one that knows you better than a family member, right? Nobody knows you better. 111s

There's nobody that knows your strengths more than your family members. There's nobody that knows 118s

your weaknesses more than your family members. There's nobody knows what you're really confident about, 125s

more than a family member, and there's nobody knows what you struggle with than a family member. 132s

And so when words are shared amongst the family, when sometimes actions are taken within 140s

in the family because it's the family, that can be an incredible source of pain. 147s

Family members can hurt one another because they're human. And us humans, we are broken. 157s

We're broken, right? We can fess that in terms of our sinfulness, each and each and every Sunday, 165s

each and every day. Parents aren't perfect and neither are children. Nobody's perfect. 172s

So you've got a bunch of broken people coming together and living life and in families. 181s

Eventually, things are going to be said and things are going to be done that cause hurt 191s

in relationships that then need to be mended. So whether the pain's intentional or it's 199s

unintentional forgiving fellow family members is just it's vital. It's absolutely vital. That's 208s

what I want to focus with you today on. I want to turn to the Scriptures with you and to address 217s

this topic I want to talk about Joseph. Joseph. Joseph's father was Jacob, his mother was Rachel. 224s

And let's start in Genesis chapter 37, please. Genesis chapter 37, we'll start with verse 3. 235s

Genesis 37, verse 3. 246s

Now Israel, it was just another designation, another name for Jacob. 259s

Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his children. Well, you know right there, 265s

that's a problem, right? You write off from the from the bat here. We're going to we're going to 272s

have a problem. You know, when I call my folks occasionally, I will say it's your favorite son. 279s

That's calling. And there's a little kind of running joke between myself and my brother and my parents 287s

on that. We obviously know that they don't have a favorite son, though if they did. 296s

But we know that they, but we know that they they don't there. Here, here it's here, you know, 307s

it's it's pretty naked right out here, isn't it? Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his 317s

other children because he was the son of his old age and he made him a long robe with sleeves. 321s

But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him 332s

and could not speak peaceably to him. Once Joseph had a dream and when he told the to his 339s

brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, listen to this dream that I dream. 347s

There we were binding sheaves in the field. Suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright. Then your 353s

sheafs gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf. Now you can look at that and you can say. 361s

There are some gasoline for the fire too here, right? But you know, as Luther said, put best 368s

construction on things and so the best construction is he's he's simply relating this this dream here 374s

that he that he had. Verse 8, his brother said to him, are you indeed terrain over us? Are you 380s

indeed to have dominion over us? So they hated him even more because of his dreams and his words. 388s

Let's go now to verse 19 of chapter 37. 398s

They said to one another, here comes this dreamer, come now, let us kill him and throw him into one 407s

of the pits. Then we shall say that a wild animal has devoured him and we shall see what will become 416s

of his dreams. Down to verse 23, please. So in Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him 424s

of his robe, the long robe with sleeves that he wore and they threw him and threw him into the 433s

and they took him and threw him into a pit. The pit was empty. There was no water in it. 441s

Now down to verse 28. 451s

When some Midianite traders passed by, they drew Joseph up, lifting him up out of the pit and sold 457s

him to the Ishmaelites for 20 pieces of silver and they took Joseph to Israel. Verse 31, same chapter. 467s

Then they took Joseph's robe, slaughtered a goat and dipped the robe in the blood. 482s

They had the long robe with sleeves taken to their brother and they said, this we found, 488s

see now whether it is your son's robe or not. He recognized it and said, it is my son's robe. A 495s

this is horrible occurrence here. This is a family here that's just ripped apart here and just 512s

terrible actions that are occurring. Well in Egypt, in Egypt Joseph is sold again and he sold to 522s

the household of Potiphar. Potiphar was in charge of Pharaoh's guard. Potiphar's wife falsely 530s

accuses Joseph of rape. So Joseph winds up in prison. Joseph then in prison interprets some of 540s

the Pharaoh's dreams and the Pharaoh takes a liking to him. He's released. Joseph comes up with a 551s

strategy to deal with a famine in the land and so he goes from the pit to the prison and he becomes 561s

a prince from the pit to the prison and he becomes a prince. His brothers come and they're seeking 573s

food and they don't realize that the person that they come before is their brother. They don't realize 584s

that the one that they had cast into the pit was now the prince. Let's go to chapter 45, verse 4, chapter 596s

5, 614s

Then Joseph said to his brothers, come closer to me and they came closer. 622s

He said, I am your brother Joseph whom you sold into Egypt and I'll do not be distressed or 630s

angry with yourselves because you sold me here. For God sent me before you to preserve life. 638s

Verse 7, God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to keep alive for you 649s

many survivors. Verse 8, So it was not you who sent me here but God. He has made me a father to 658s

Pharaoh and Lord of all his house and ruler over the land of Egypt. Verse 10, 670s

You shall settle in the land of Goshen and you shall be near me, you and your children and your 681s

children's children as well as your flocks, your herds and all that you have. I will provide for you 689s

there since there are five more years of famine to come so that you and your household and all that 698s

you have will not come to poverty. So his brothers sell him into slavery and God uses it to bring 707s

to Egypt. He's purchased by Potterfer and God uses it to teach him how to manage. 724s

He's thrown into prison and given the opportunity to interpret dreams and God uses it to win the 738s

favor of Pharaoh. God can take every bad thing and bring good out of it to those who love him. 749s

That's the promise we have in Scripture, isn't it? That all things work together for good to those 764s

who love the Lord. Just a little aside here on Joseph. Notice the comparison between Joseph and 771s

Jesus. Joseph was loved by his father, so as Jesus. Joseph was the shepherd of his father's sheep, 778s

so as Jesus. Joseph was 30 years old when he began his public service. Jesus was 30 years old when 788s

he began his ministry. Joseph was sold, falsely accused, bound in chains and condemned with criminals. 797s

Joseph cries out to forgive his brothers and Jesus cries out from the cross that we are 815s

forgiven. And God uses the evil execution of Jesus to bring about the redemption of the 826s

whole world. Here's the point I want to dwell with you on. When we come to forgive fellow family 838s

members, look past by the grace of God. The hurt, look past to the good, look past to the good, 850s

that God will bring out of a situation. Look at Genesis chapter 50, please. Genesis chapter 50 866s

verse 19. 879s

But Joseph said to them, do not be afraid. Am I in the place of God? Even though you intended to 892s

do harm to me, God intended it for good in order to preserve a numerous people as he is doing today. 900s

So have no fear. I myself will provide for you and your little ones. In this way, he reassured them 908s

speaking kindly to them. A key then by the grace of God in forgiving the family member is focusing 917s

on God's promise to use every situation and every word, every hurt and bring some good out of it. 930s

This is seeing then, just as Joseph did, it's seeing past the pain, the words or the actions 944s

have caused. This is not a denial of what has happened. This is not what psychologists would call 953s

repression, where he's just trying to snuff it and push it, push it back. It's not a denial of that 961s

which has happened. It's not a, boy, I'm sure I'm glad they said that, or I'm sure I'm glad that 969s

terrible thing happened. No, it's not the denial of it. It's looking past it to the promise of the good 977s

that God says, I will bring out of it because when we look past pain and focus on the promise of God 990s

and the goodness, it's part of indeed by God's grace the forgiveness and of the pain we've experienced. 999s

So Joseph didn't have amnesia of what his brothers did with him, right? Because he said, I mean, 1009s

brother, you know, the one you threw into the pit, you know, say nothing, just forget it. Well, 1016s

wound up in Egypt to prepare for that which was coming and the famine for the preservation of the 1028s

people. I learned how to manage, even though I was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife and for 1035s

rape. I wound up in a prison, but you see, all of a sudden I became a person of influence to 1040s

Pharaoh. God gives me the plan how to deal with the famine and I become prince. So that bigger 1046s

picture here, the promise that goes all the way back to out of this line of people, the Messiah comes 1052s

is now preserved. Here's someone who doesn't deny what had happened to him, but he's looking past 1059s

the pain and looking past the pain to the good that God can bring out of a situation or situations. 1068s

God uses them as part of the promise or part of the process whereby by his grace we then looking 1077s

to the good we then can forgive the pain that has occurred. Let's see it again. Let's go to Genesis 1086s

chapter 41. Genesis chapter 41. Verse 51. 1100s

51. Genesis 41. 51. 1117s

52. Joseph named the first born, his first born, Manasseh. For he said, God has made me forget all my 1121s

hardship and all my father's house. Now, look at the word forget there. Does that mean that he had no 1135s

recollection? Well, no, because he just says he's made me forget all my hardship. Well, that's not 1143s

somebody who's forgotten his hardship, right? Because he says he's made me forget my hardship, 1150s

forget in one sense, that he can look to the good of what God brings back and in looking to the good 1155s

he can then go back to forgive that which occurred. So he names his child that the second, 1167s

verse 52, the second he named Ephraim, for God has made me fruitful in the land of my misfortunes. 1176s

There's somebody who doesn't have amnesia here. That's exactly what happened. He even names it. 1186s

Misfortunes. All this stuff that happened to me. But what is he focused on the misfortune? 1192s

Is he focused on the word? Is he focused on the day? Can you imagine the horrific image you would 1199s

have in your mind as your brothers throw you into a pit and hate you to that extent? I mean, 1205s

it's not that all of a sudden has disappeared, but here's the one who out of his pain is looking 1214s

to the fact that God has made me fruitful in the land of misfortune. There's one who looks to the 1221s

good that God brings out. And it's part of the process of his being able to forgive his family. 1229s

We see then past the words and past the actions and focus on how God can use everything to his purpose. 1242s

Maybe the good that came out of the hurtful experience in your family. Maybe the good that came 1253s

out of it is a greater dependence on your part on the Lord Jesus Christ and His promises. 1263s

It doesn't deny the pain, but the dwelling point isn't the pain. The dwelling point is and look how 1272s

God took that terrible situation and brought this good of greater dependence on him, how God brought 1282s

that out. Maybe it is how God takes the tremendous pain of what was said, what was done in the family, 1294s

and God has brought the good out of it that now you are able to minister in a special way 1305s

because you have walked that road. You're able then to minister as you look then to the good that God 1314s

brought out, your ability to minister to people that have been hurt in their families and can talk 1323s

about the steadfastness of the love of God and the promises and the strengthening. You see, 1329s

that's looking past the pain to the good. Then you return back to the pain and when you focus on 1336s

the promise, God uses all of that as part of the process by His grace of forgiving. Also, 1344s

when we struggle to forgive a family member, it can be because we've lost sight of the massive 1356s

sin debt that God has forgiven us. Just reflect on what it is that we say on Sunday that we've 1367s

sinned against you and thought, word, and deed, what we've done and what we've left undone. Just think 1379s

of the thoughts you've had this week, the words, what you've done, what you didn't do that you 1385s

should have done. You see, this massive sin debt that God has forgiven us and when we struggle 1394s

to forgive someone doesn't mean we condone it, doesn't mean that we're just going to be forgetting 1405s

everything in my piece because we can't. Doesn't mean necessarily there's going to be reconciliation 1414s

because that might not be wise to do that but to let go and to not hold the offense against that 1418s

person anymore and to look toward the good, which is the forgiveness that's been one for us on the cross. 1426s

Then we then we loop back and it puts the situation into a different perspective, doesn't it? 1435s

I think of 1 John chapter 1. Let's turn there please. It's a good way to find 1 John. 1444s

Just go to the book of Revelation. Slowly work your way towards Matthew. 1451s

You'll very quickly run into the John's 1 John chapter 1. 1457s

There we read. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 1477s

Does that sound familiar? How God must love having His words spoken and sung back to Him, right? 1482s

That's what we do in the liturgy. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth 1494s

is not in us. If we confess our sins, He who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse 1499s

us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we've not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not 1505s

in us. Notice again how it begins in 8. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves. 1512s

See, that's looking ahead to the promise of God and we understand who we are and the massive sin 1522s

that God has forgiven us of. And then we turn back because God uses His word to empower His forgiveness. 1528s

Let's take a look at Romans chapter 3. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and then Romans. 1540s

Romans chapter 3. The second part of verse 10. 1550s

There we read, there is no one who's righteous, not even one. There's no one who has understanding. 1564s

There's no one who seeks God. All have turned aside. Together they've become worthless. There's no 1573s

one who shows kindness. There's not even one. Their throats are open graves. They use their tongues to 1579s

deceive. The venom of viper is under their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. 1586s

Their feet are swift to shed blood. Ruins and misery are in their paths. And the way of peace they 1592s

have not known, there is no fear of God before their eyes. See, that talks about the depth of sin. 1599s

So as we look forward to good that God brings out, as we understand the depths of our own 1613s

sinfulness, we also then understand that forgiving of the person, for that person's words or actions, 1621s

that's not a one-time event, right? That can be a daily occurrence. Daily occurrence. 1630s

It's not one and done. It's daily. Let's pray. Gracious Heavenly Father, we give you thanks for your 1639s

promise that even out of the most terrible situations, you can bring good out of it. 1650s

And so Father, give us eyes that are born of your promise, that we can see even out of painful 1659s

situations within a family. Help us to see good that you have brought out of a situation like that. 1669s

Lord, remind us each and every day of the incredible debt that you have forgiven us. 1681s

And Lord, empower us to forgive the fellow family member, each and every day. 1692s

You have forgiven us and so send us forth to forgive in Jesus' name. Amen. 1703s