Comforting Others Session 4

Overview

Comforting the Despondent

Despondency is no stranger to God's people. Scripture itself gives voice to the depressed and grieving—not to silence their cries, but to honor them. In Psalm 77:1-9, the writer cannot sleep, refuses comfort, and asks whether God's steadfast love has ceased forever. In Psalm 13:1-4, David cries, "How long, O Lord?" Job longs to have never been born Job 3:11-16; Elijah, fresh from victory on Carmel, sits under a broom tree and asks God to take his life 1 Kings 19:1-10; even Israel, hearing God's promises of deliverance, cannot listen "because of their broken spirit and their cruel slavery" Exodus 6:6-9. Luther struggled with depression. Christians are not called to wear a mask of cheerfulness. We are given permission—by God Himself—to pour out our angst before Him.

Yet Scripture does not leave the despondent in their lament. The lament psalms follow a pattern: invocation, lament, confession of confidence, petition, and praise. Watch the turn in Psalm 77:11-20: "I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord; I will remember your wonders of old." The same pivot occurs in Psalm 13:5-6: "But I have trusted in your steadfast love." This is a transformation of gaze—from inward absorption to outward remembrance of God's hesed, His unfailing covenant love. Because God is unchangeable, what He has done in the past is the prelude to what He will do in the future. Psalm 43:5 frames the discipline plainly: "Why are you cast down, O my soul?... Hope in God." And Psalm 21 places the king's confidence at its center: he trusts in the Lord, and through the steadfast love of the Most High he shall not be moved.

This points to the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness depends on happenstance—what happens to us. Joy is a gift of the Spirit, anchored in the cross of Christ, and it is therefore immune to circumstance. A Christian can be unhappy and joyful at the same time. The world's counsel—self-help, "forgive yourself," happiness as a warm puppy—cannot bear the weight of real sorrow because it cannot pronounce absolution. Only the cross can.

When walking with someone who is despondent, do not rush them. Let them lament; Scripture does. Do not minimize their grief, and resist the temptation to redirect the conversation to your own struggles—that shifts the focus and they will check out. Keep the focus on them. Show them the lament psalms so they know these feelings have a place before God. Then, as the Spirit gives opportunity, gently lift their eyes from self to God's mighty deeds, and in time, toward acts of service to others. Studies even of those in concentration camps showed that those who looked outward to serve fellow sufferers fared better than those turned inward. Sustained inward gaze will only multiply our awareness of sin; the outward gaze to Christ crucified, and to a neighbor who needs us, is where the Spirit grows joy.

Transcript

Well, last week we took a look at the subject of how do we minister to people who are troubled with regard to their own sinfulness. 0s

And we examine the question, are some sins worse than others? 12s

And you'll remember the response. I hope the response is, well, yes and no. 18s

On the one hand, no, in that every sin condemns us before God Almighty. On the other hand, yes, because there is a distinction that is made in Scripture with regard to some of the sins. 24s

The worst sin, of course, the only unforgivable sin is the ultimate rejection of the Holy Spirit's call to believe. 43s

So we also examined the call for us to proclaim the forgiveness of sins to the repentant in the name of Jesus Christ. That's the exercise of the office of the keys. 52s

We examine last time how sometimes people can be troubled by their sin and they need to hear the gospel, then other times people need to forgive themselves. 67s

After having received the gospel, we took a look at the secular understanding which simply says, forgive yourself. And we saw the emptiness of that word. 78s

We can't forgive ourselves. In other words, we can't pronounce our own absolution born out of somehow the redemption that we have accomplished and announced it to ourselves. 93s

That absolution is only born through the cross of Jesus Christ. And so that absolution we give, that forgiveness is not from ourselves, it is from God. 104s

That being said, having received the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, are we to forgive ourselves? Absolutely. 117s

Because the absolution has been pronounced and our sin has been a tone for. We took a look at the difference between guilt and guilty feelings that sometimes one can have what is called false guilt and one needs to fair it that out with people to see if they are falsely holding on to guilt that should not be there. 125s

We took a look at the distinction between forgiveness and feeling forgiven and we took a look at the bottom line of the class which is not to trust our feelings but to trust the word. 149s

Well today I want to examine with you how is it that we can bring comfort to the despondent? How can we bring comfort to the despondent? Those that are depressed, despondent. 161s

So let's start in Psalm 77. Please, a good way to find the book of Psalms is just to open up to the middle and you'll land on one of the Psalms, Psalm 77. 173s

And we'll start with verse 1. Psalm 77, verse 1. 186s

Here the despondency as it is expressed here. Psalm 77, verse 1. I cry aloud to God, aloud to God that He may hear me. 195s

In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord. In the night my hand is stretched out without wearying my soul refuses to be comforted. 207s

I think of God and I mown, I meditate and my spirit faints. You keep my eyelids from closing. I am so troubled that I cannot speak. 219s

I consider the days of old and remember the years of long ago. I commune with my heart in the night. I meditate and search my spirit. 230s

With the Lord's spurn forever and never again be favorable. Has his steadfast love ceased forever? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he an anger shut up his compassion? 242s

And I say it is my grief that the right hand of the most high has changed. Remember the right hand of God portrayed in Scripture is the hand of his power, his hand of control, his hand of sovereignty, his hand of might. 264s

There is one who is despondent. Those are words that give voice to the despondent. 283s

Let's go to Psalm 13. This is what is called a lament Psalm. Psalm 13 puts voice to one who is despondent. 293s

And here David writes, how long, O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all day long? 318s

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider an answer me, O Lord, my God, give light to my eyes or I will sleep the sleep of death. And my enemy will say, I have prevailed. My foes will rejoice because I am shaken. 335s

When someone is despondent, when someone is depressed, it can be very helpful to lead them in to portions of Scripture like this and to show them that it is all right to express these type of feelings to God. 357s

It is all right to pour out the angst of their spirit to pour that out before God. 374s

There can be the temptation for the Christian to wear a mask, to wear the mask of joy and the mask of happiness because that's how we're supposed to be. 385s

But that's not how we are all the time. Right? There are times in all of our lives of grief, depression, despondency, despair, and God never calls us to put on the mask. 399s

In fact, we are given permission in Holy Scripture to express those very feelings to God and it can be liberating to someone when you show them portions like this in Holy Scripture because sometimes they have no idea with regard to the fact that these type of feelings are expressed. 417s

I think of Elijah. Elijah had witnessed the miraculous power of God on Mount Carmel. Then Jezebel wants to kill him. Elijah flees into the wilderness and he is filled with despondency. 443s

Let's go to 1 Kings 19, please. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua judges Ruth, Samuel, Samuel, then Kings Kings. 457s

1 Kings 19, verse 1. 471s

Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah saying, 485s

So may the gods do to me and more also if I do not make your life like the life of one of them by this time tomorrow. 496s

Then he was afraid he got up and fled for his life. He came to Beersheba which belongs to Judah. He left his servant there. 505s

But he himself went today's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a solitary broom tree. He asked that he might die. 514s

It is enough now, O Lord, take away my life for I'm no better than my ancestors. 523s

Then he lay down under the broom tree and fell asleep. Suddenly an angel touched him and said to him, get up and eat. 530s

He looked and there at his head was a cake baked and hot stones and a jar of water. He ate and drank and lay down again. 539s

The angel of the Lord came a second time, touched him and said, get up and eat. Otherwise the journey will be too much for you. 549s

He got up and ate and drank. Then he went in the strength of that food, 40 days and 49 to Horeb, the mount of God. 556s

At that place he came to a cave and spent the night there. 565s

Then the word of the Lord came to him saying, what are you doing here Elijah? 570s

He answered, I've been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts, for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your alters and killed your prophets with this sword. 573s

I alone am left and they're seeking my life to take it away. 586s

Is Elijah the only one left? 595s

No. But in his despondency he cries out to the Lord. 598s

We see in Scripture others who may have experienced depression. Let's go to Job the third chapter, please. 605s

Just before the book of Psalms, Job chapter 3 verse 11. 613s

Job chapter 3 verse 11. 629s

Job says, why did I not die at birth? Come forth from the womb and expire. 639s

Why were there needs to receive me or breasts for me to suck? 647s

Now I would be lying down and quiet, I would be asleep, then I would be at rest, with kings and counselors of the earth who rebuild ruins for themselves, or with princes who have gold or fill their houses with silver, or why was I not buried like a stillborn child like an infant that never sees the light? 652s

That's despondency, isn't it? Exodus chapter 6. Genesis and then Exodus chapter 6 verse 6. 681s

Exodus 6 verse 6. 699s

Say, therefore, to the Israelites, I am the Lord, and I will free you from the burdens of the Egyptians, and deliver you from slavery to them. 702s

I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. 709s

I will take you as my people, I will be your God. 715s

You shall know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from the burdens of the Egyptians. 719s

I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession I am the Lord. 724s

Moses told this to the Israelites, but they would not listen to Moses because of their broken spirit and their cruel slavery. 734s

Last, Psalm 69, verse 1, please, Psalm 69, verse 1. 748s

Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep myer where there is no foothold. 767s

I have come into deep waters and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying. My throat is parched. 775s

My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. 784s

More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause. 789s

Many are those who would destroy me, my enemies who accuse me falsely. 795s

What I did not steal must I now restore. 801s

O God, you know my folly. The wrongs I have done are not hidden from you. 805s

Winston Churchill noted that depression hounded him, he said, quote, like a black dog. 814s

You know who else struggled with depression? Martin Luther. 822s

Martin Luther struggled with depression. Depression knows no boundaries. 828s

In fact, depression is something that everyone experiences in their life and time or in one form or another including Christians. 836s

And there are many causes of depression. Guilt can be anger turned inwards, hopelessness, loss. 847s

Let's flip this. What is the cause of joy? 858s

Charles Schultz of Penoz Frame described happiness as a warm puppy. 864s

He also described happiness as quote, walking on the grass in your bare feet. 871s

Or quote, the hiccups after they've gone away. 881s

Now that brings a smile to our face, it brings a laughter to our voice. 889s

But compare that to Galatians 5 which talks about joy. 895s

Compare Schultz and understanding happiness as a new puppy or the feel of your feet on bare grass. 905s

Compare that to the weight of a spirit born joy in the Lord. 915s

There is no comparison. Is it not? It is fascinating. 926s

You can write a year's worth of sermons by just spending a year's worth of topics by just spending 30 minutes in the hallmark section of greeting cards. 931s

Really, when you look at the supposed wisdom of the world and what the world understands as love and the confessions that are made in greeting cards, it's amazing. 944s

There is no ability for absolution and all. There is just this kind of confection. 963s

It is fascinating to walk through the greeting card section. 969s

I did that yesterday here. Even after I had my card here, I was just fascinated to just read these things. 975s

I was watching some of the people come up and looking at some of these cards and thinking to myself, are you buying this? 984s

Do you buy how love is defined? Do you buy how happiness is defined here? 994s

It is so different. Is it not? For the Christian. 1001s

Look at Psalm 21. As often as the case in the Psalms, the key thought is placed in the middle. 1006s

That is just a little interpretive word to keep in mind when you are studying the Psalms. 1015s

When you are in the middle, really pay extra attention. As often times, the key thought rests right there. 1021s

Look at Psalm 21, please. For the king trusts in the Lord and through the steadfast love of the most high, he shall not be moved. 1027s

The Hebrew there is, is, is, Hesse, it's used 20 times in the Old Testament. It's a very, very key concept. 1043s

It's a steadfast, unmovable love of the Lord. And notice the strength of the Lord, which kind of wraps this Hesse in a hug here. 1049s

Verse 1, in your strength, the king rejoices, O Lord, and in your help how greatly he exalts or down into verse 13, be exalted, O Lord, in your strength, we will sing and praise your power. 1060s

There is rejoicing in the strength and the unfailing love of God. And the anchor of our joy is what Christ has done for us through the cross. 1076s

As we minister to people who are despondent, by the grace of God, may we gently lead them to where their eyes are focused on. 1092s

Because there is the source of joy. There is the source of joy. 1107s

There are many passages in Scripture that can tell of God's help for the despondent. 1115s

Let's go to Psalm 43, please. Psalm 43, verse 5, Psalm 43, verse 5. 1123s

Where are you cast down on my soul and where you disquieted within me? 1147s

Hope in God for I shall again praise him, my hope, my help, and my God. 1154s

Where are you cast down? Hope in God. There is a difference. There is a difference between happiness and joy. 1163s

Happiness has its root, happens, stands, which means stuff that just kind of happens in your life. 1172s

Someone says, I am really happy, you say, why are you happy? And oftentimes they will say, because this is just happened in my life. 1179s

It is happened, stands, right? Or if someone says, I am down, I feel sad today, why are you sad? 1187s

And they will say a happening in their life. 1194s

Joy is immune to the fluctuations in happiness. 1198s

Joy is a different animal than happiness. Joy is not rooted in happenstance. 1205s

Joy is rooted in the gift of the Spirit. So a person can be unhappy and joyful at the same time. 1212s

Right? You experienced that? We've all experienced that. 1224s

Where you are unhappy about the circumstances, but yet the joy of the Lord remains in you. 1227s

And so for the despondent then, we want to gently lead them by the grace of God to take the eyes off of the self and turn it onto God. 1235s

Let's go to Psalm 77 again. Psalm 77. We're going to pick up in verse 11 now. 1251s

Remember the despondency that was recorded in the first 10 verses here. 1260s

Then, those what happens in the turn with 11. 1270s

I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord. I will remember your wonders of old. 1274s

I will meditate on all your work and muse on your mighty deeds. 1281s

Your way, O God, is holy. What God is so great as our God. 1287s

You are the God who works wonders. You have displayed your might among the peoples. 1295s

With your strong arm, you redeemed your people, descendants of Jacob and Joseph. 1300s

When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid. 1308s

The very deep trembled. The clouds poured out water. The skies thundered. 1312s

Your arrows flashed on every side. The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind. 1318s

Your lightening lit up the world. The earth trembled and shook. 1324s

Your way was through the sea, your path through the mighty waters. 1329s

Yet your footprints were unseen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron. 1333s

What happens in Psalm 77? It goes from. 1340s

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God that He may hear me. 1347s

It goes from will the Lord spurn forever and never again be favorable. 1353s

Has his steadfast love ceased forever? It goes from that to... 1357s

I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord. I will remember your wonders of old. 1363s

I will meditate on your work and news on your mighty deeds. 1367s

What just happened there? It was a gaze transformation, right? 1370s

Instead of the focus in on the self, the gaze became outward unto God and recounting the might and the power of what God has done in the past. 1374s

You see, Scripture records to us the mighty deeds of God so that when we are in the present moment, in the present struggles, and perhaps falling into despondency, and we are worried about the future that will come, we need to look to the past of what He has done, right? 1389s

Because the past is the prelude here. 1406s

The past simply says, as God has acted in the past from generation unto generation unto generation, so also He will act going forward in the future. 1409s

Because God is what? He is unchangeable. 1421s

God is consistent. He is steadfast. 1425s

And so the gaze then turns from the gaze inward, it turns to the outward turn. 1427s

There is a pattern in the lament psalms. 1436s

That as you follow the pattern, you see an invocation, a calling on the Lord, and you see lament, 1441s

then you see a confession of confidence in God, then the petition, and then praise. 1453s

This is exactly what happens in Psalm 77. 1470s

Let me show it to you also in Psalm 13 that we said, let's go back there again. 1474s

Psalm 13. 1480s

Verse 5, we'll pick up on. 1485s

Now remember the psalmist was pouring out the lament, how long the Lord will you forget me forever, et cetera? 1489s

Then notice what happens in verse 5. 1497s

But I trusted in your steadfast love my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 1503s

I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me. 1509s

There is the turn in the structure of the lament. 1515s

When we minister to people that are despondent, 1518s

walk with them through this cycle. 1523s

And it certainly doesn't mean that you're going to go through the entire cycle in one time you're sitting with. 1528s

This can take some time here to move through this cycle. 1537s

You may get into the invocation, the invoking of God. 1543s

You may not get past the lament here. 1546s

So let the people lament because we see that in scripture. 1552s

They're lamenting in a lot of times. 1557s

It's a lot of verses. 1559s

You let people express the lament. 1561s

And with the guidance of God, it then moves into the confidence that is ours in who God is. 1565s

That's seeing how is he acted in the past. 1572s

That means then that he will act in the future. 1574s

That then rises to the petition where you can take the lament. 1578s

You can take what's causing the despondency. 1583s

You can take all of that and you can put it within the framework here of the petition. 1585s

And you end with the praise of God who has this situation causing of the despondency. 1590s

This is something that you might have to just keep going over and over and over again with a person as you walk through them with this time. 1598s

You don't deny this lament. 1608s

But also by the grace of God you want to focus the eyes away from the self and onto God. 1612s

You see as we continue to focus in on ourselves what we will see is sin. 1621s

We'll see our sin. 1629s

That's where the secular world focuses people. 1631s

The secular world and all of the self-help books focus the person inwardly upon them self. 1634s

And it's just a burden down of law. 1644s

I remember how one theologian put it. 1648s

He said, I came to realize that I'm the problem. 1652s

You see where he sees his own depths of his sinfulness. 1658s

All of the great leaders, with Luther, Calvin, you can fill in the blank. 1663s

They had a profound understanding of the depths of their sinfulness. 1667s

And so as we minister the people, we don't want to discount this expression of the lament. 1672s

But we don't want to stay there. 1676s

We don't want to turn them in on themselves. 1678s

We want to turn their eyes outward onto God also as the spirit leads to guide them into acts of service. 1679s

To guide them into acts of service. 1695s

There can be a wallowing in despondency. 1700s

It's hard to continue to wallow in despondency when you're serving somebody else. 1706s

I remember one pastor, friend, he said, you know, whenever I'm having a bad day, 1714s

he goes, I leave the office and I go visit somebody. 1720s

Now, what's he doing? 1725s

He's not going to dwell on the moment. 1729s

He gives the moment to God and he says, who can I serve? 1731s

Because when we serve, we can't help but get the focus off of ourselves. 1735s

It's fascinating. 1744s

Studies that have been done in Nazi concentration camps. 1745s

What a horrific, horrific environment. 1750s

You know what these studies had shown was that those who focused on the other others in the camp, 1752s

instead of themselves, had a greater understanding of mental health, a greater understanding of physical health, 1764s

and a greater way to, how do you even put the term cope on something as hellish and horrific as that is? 1775s

But there was a greater health on the people that had focused away from themselves, 1784s

that looked at those that were in that terrible environment with themselves and said, 1792s

how can I serve the other? 1797s

How can I serve the other? 1800s

When someone is despondent, you don't want to diminish the expression of the lament. 1803s

You don't want to turn it back on yourself. 1814s

It is really, really risky to say, when someone is sharing their grief, you say, 1818s

well, I remember when I went through a real difficult time. 1823s

And then all of a sudden, the focus is absolutely shifted onto you. 1826s

On to you. 1831s

Keep it on them. 1832s

Keep it on them. 1835s

Keep the focus there. 1836s

And only use an appeal to a difficult situation in your own life. 1839s

Use it with reserve and at the spirit guided right time. 1844s

Because if you use that, when you're ministering to someone too early, 1849s

that person checks out. 1854s

And what they're thinking is, I don't care about your problem. 1857s

I don't care about it. 1861s

Because I'm despondent about my problem. 1863s

So you keep the focus on them. 1866s

You lift the eyes unto the other person. 1868s

And you gently encourage here. 1872s

You gently encourage when timing's right. 1875s

Because you may not get past this for a while here, when the timing is right, 1879s

to lead them into acts of service, to get our eyes off ourselves. 1883s

Society reinforces the exact opposite thing. 1894s

The exact opposite thing. 1900s

I find it fascinating that for decades, 1903s

the most popular Christian radio show was a psychologist. 1908s

I find that fascinating. 1915s

Now, does psychology and psychiatry have its place? 1917s

Yeah. 1924s

Would I go to a secular psychologist? 1925s

Absolutely not. 1928s

Absolutely not. 1929s

Because there are secular psychologists can't pronounce the absolute. 1931s

All they'll do is forgive yourself. 1936s

There's a place for that. 1940s

It can go really bad and turn really inward. 1942s

Yes. 1947s

But I just forgot where I was going with this point. 1950s

But it's the outward turn. 1954s

Oh, that's right. 1956s

It's for decades, the most popular show was a psychologist that Christians listen to. 1958s

That's fascinating. 1965s

That's fascinating to me. 1966s

That can be, again, it has its place. 1968s

But it's this way, instead of ultimately. 1972s

Do we have to examine ourselves? 1976s

Yes. 1978s

Do we have to see where the sin is in our life? 1979s

Yes. 1981s

But if we stay here, if we continue to wallow and dwell in our problems, 1983s

joy comes with the outward gaze because of what Christ has done for us and the call to service. 1992s