Comforting Others Session 5

Overview

Bringing Comfort to Those Who Grieve

Christians are uniquely positioned to bring comfort to the grieving because we carry the gospel—a word of hope that secular coping cannot match. But our comfort can ring hollow when it rests on common misunderstandings about death. Clearing away these myths opens the door for genuine, biblical consolation.

Four Myths About Death

Myth 1: Death is the will of God. God's perfect will was that humankind would live forever, eating from the tree of life. Death entered through human rebellion: "sin came into the world through one man and death came through sin, so death spread to all because all have sinned" Romans 5:12. God Himself declares, "I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from their ways and live" Ezekiel 33:11. God does, however, know our days Job 14:5, which is why we distinguish between His perfect will and His permissive will—His sovereignty over our days does not excuse reckless living.

Myth 2: Death is a friend. Scripture calls death "the bitterness" 1 Samuel 15:32, describes "the terrors of death" Psalm 55:4, and names it the final enemy with its sting 1 Corinthians 15. Christians live with a real tension here: death remains the consequence of sin, yet for the believer it becomes the doorway to Christ. Sensitivity matters—saying "their suffering is over" may comfort one mourner and anger another.

Myth 3: At death, Christians become angels. The truth is far better than wings and clouds. The believer's spirit goes immediately to be with the Lord in paradise—conscious, aware, free from suffering—and at Christ's return, the body itself is raised. We will live body and soul, fully restored, recognizing one another and adoring God forever. Whether a body is buried or cremated makes no difference; the God who formed Adam from dust will raise the dead.

Myth 4: Eternity begins when we die. For the Christian, eternity has already begun in baptism. "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life" John 3:36. Today is simply one more day of an eternal life already underway. Death is not a dark tunnel or transit zone—it is an immediate transfer into the presence of God.

Pastoral Application: Walk With Them

When ministering to the grieving, let them set the agenda. Don't arrive determined to cheer them up, fix their theology, or move them through stages. The classic categories—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—are descriptive, not a checklist; people move through them unpredictably, sometimes within a single hour.

Early on, the cry of "why?" is usually an outpouring of pain rather than a theological question. Sit with them. Be silent when silence is what they need. The Spirit will make clear when a grieving person is genuinely ready to explore the deeper questions, and only then is it time to open Scripture on God's will, the nature of death, and the hope of resurrection.

Avoid claiming, "I know exactly how you feel"—we don't. Avoid pushing them toward "it will get better"—they aren't there yet. And resist measuring your visit by whether they seemed happier when you left; that makes your care about you. Our calling is simpler and harder: bring God's Word and God's presence, and walk alongside them wherever they are.

Transcript

We continue today in our study on bringing comfort to others and we've come to the 0s

last class of this particular class and also of this particular teaching cycle. 6s

We'll resume again on September 9th, but I want to explore with you today how it is that we can 14s

bring comfort to those who grieve. 21s

And obviously as Christians, we are uniquely positioned to be able to bring a word of comfort 26s

as opposed to secular coping skills. It is the Christian that is uniquely positioned to witness 34s

to people amidst their times of greatest grief and bring comfort with the gospel to oftentimes 44s

with unbelievers. Share with them the gospel, which is such an incredible word of comfort as we 54s

deal then in those cases with the living, witnessing to them, praying indeed for their personal 61s

salvation. So I want to explore with you today some principles that undergird witnessing to people 69s

in their grief. I want to do it with a little different approach. What abounds are some 78s

misunderstandings, some things that are just flat out untrue with regard to death. And if the 90s

person is living under those untruths and if the person that is witnessing lives with those 99s

untruths, the word of comfort does not ring. So I want to explore with you some misunderstandings 108s

with regard to the subject of death and then see how we as a people can come with a great 118s

great word of comfort. Here's the first myth that I want to explore with you today and that is 125s

that this death is the will of God. Death is the will of God. That's a myth. Death is not the will of God. 132s

God and His perfect will wanted humankind to live forever, to eat of the tree of life. 143s

Remember God said you may eat of all the trees of the garden, save one, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 151s

So humankind, our first parents, were commanded to eat of the tree of life. After of course the rebellion, there is the 157s

judgment that comes upon our first parents. But God's intention for humankind all along is that we 169s

would live forever. Let's go to Romans the fifth chapter, please. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and then 177s

Romans. Romans chapter 5, verse 12, Romans chapter 5, verse 12. 185s

Therefore just as sin came into the world through one man and death came through sin, so death spread 206s

to all because all have sin. Well who brought sin into the world? It was Adam and Eve. Was death ever part of the 215s

creation part of the will of God? Absolutely not. It is that which is foreign. Remember in Genesis chapter 3 it was the 223s

warning to Adam and Eve. It was the clear distinction between the fact that God is the creator and we are the created. 232s

And yet Adam and Eve disobey. Let's go to Ezekiel the 33rd chapter. Ezekiel is in the Old Testament. A good way to find Ezekiel is 240s

to turn to Psalms and then move your way toward the New Testament. Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, Isaiah, Jeremiah, 248s

lamentations, then Ezekiel. If you've gone, if you've hit Daniel, you've gone too far. Ezekiel chapter 33, verse 11. Ezekiel 33, verse 11. 259s

Say to them, as I live says the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from their ways and live, 286s

turn back, turn back from your evil ways for why will you die, O house of Israel? There you see is revealed the heart of God. There is a God who does not 298s

have the light in death, in all of its dimensions, physical death and spiritual death and eternal death, but a God who indeed wants us to live. 314s

So whether it is temporal death, that's when obviously our spirits leave this body or whether it's eternal death, that's hell itself. God does not will either one. 326s

Does God know when we will die? Certainly. Let's go to Job chapter 14, Job chapter 14, nestled right before the book of Psalms, Job chapter 14, verse 5. 341s

And there we read, since their days are determined and the number of their months is known to you and you have appointed the bounds that they cannot pass. 374s

You see, there is a God who indeed determines our days. God had determined from all of creation that we would live forever, that indeed there would be no death. There is rebellion, there is the fall into sin, and now our days are determined and God determines those days. 387s

Some people have misunderstood that understanding by saying, if God has determined all of our days, therefore it doesn't matter whether I live my life recklessly, it doesn't matter whether what it is that I put inside my body because my days are simply determined by God. 406s

No, because we have to take make a distinction between the perfect will of God and the permissive will of God. Very simple, very simple example. 429s

If I go every day to McDonald's and I get myself a large shake, and that is a regular pattern that I take, I should not be surprised if I get heart disease. 441s

Now, God has the number of days determined for me. If I determine to go and misuse my body by consuming a McDonald's shake every day and plugging my arteries, can God then in his permissive will say, then have it the way you want it? 457s

And shorten the length then of the days, indeed, indeed. So our days are determined from all of eternity. God in his omniscience knows them all, but that doesn't call us into a sense of recklessness. 478s

So are we to exercise sure we are, or do we eat right? Sure we are. Why? Because God determines our days, and we would like to live out as many days as God has determined by God. 493s

So the first myth then is that death is the will of God. Now when we comfort others with regard to this, that opens up an opportunity for us to share God's perfect will in all of creation. 518s

That death is that which is foreign. God never intended it. It was not part of God's perfect will. It is an expression of the justice of God that falls upon us because of our sin. 534s

And indeed as we minister to people, one of the things we need to be sensitive to is their understanding of God. Because oftentimes you'll hear a phrase that said, if God loved me, or if God was a God of love, then my loved one would not have died. 548s

So if God is loving, then why didn't God fix this? Why didn't God fix it so that my loved one didn't die? That opens up the possibility to explore God's will with regard to death, how death came into the scene. 571s

This is what's important to remember them. As you're ministering to someone who is grieving, oftentimes the why question when it's first asked is not a why question, it's simply an expression of brief. 593s

And so if you start running in and you minister to someone who is in the midst of emotional pain because of death and you start getting into the theology of is death the will of God or not, it can be too soon. 608s

Most of the time in the early stages let let people grieve and walk with them and let them cry and don't start rushing into scriptural analysis of death of why there is death of suffering of all of those things. 627s

Let them let them grieve. How do you know when to do that? You'll know when. You'll know when. As you asked the spirit for the spirits guidance that indeed amidst the time of grief and suffering, Lord, give me the sensitivity and the awareness of when to start exploring the why question with someone. 649s

Now sometimes it's really clear and sometimes early on people will be saying why and you're walking with them in the grief and you're giving them verses of comfort and sometimes they'll turn to you and they'll say no really why. 676s

And you can tell they want to explore that then. So you just go where they want to where they want to go. 695s

It's the same way when you're ministering to someone in a hospital situation or work or whatever it is, you go off of their agenda. 707s

Don't go don't go in with any agenda that says for example, I need that I need to go and cheer them up. 720s

We've all had people in our lives well intentioned that come to try and cheer us up. And when you don't want to be cheered up, you just don't want to hear a bunch of cheer. Do you? 728s

You still want it because then you understand then you're thinking to yourself the person just just doesn't understand what what they're what I'm going through here. They don't understand that. 740s

So don't go in with any agenda as you as you minister to people amidst times of grief. The only agenda is let them set the agenda. 752s

So if if you find that they are if they are joking, then then go ahead and enter into into humor then. 761s

But but you don't want to go any farther than then where where they're where they're at. 774s

I remember a a pastor friend of mine and you you don't know the pastor this is many many years ago. So let me give that but but he would go into situations and he verbalized to me that that what he would do is is is I go into hospital situations and I always have five good jokes. 781s

And you know it was just a different approach. But but people don't want entertainers there's enough entertainers in the world. People want people that walk with them amidst their pain. 807s

They want to people that will just sometimes just be silent with them. And so and so just just be with them. Don't don't you set the agenda let them set the agenda. 821s

And when will the the why question come up and when should you address it and when is it different than the expression of why did this happen out of an outpouring of pain. You'll you'll know it. 832s

And you'll know then to explore and one of the things to explore then is is death the will of God. It's a it's a wonderful then opportunity to to share. 846s

Here's the here's a second myth that can undergird sometimes people's understanding of death and how they minister to people and the myth is this death is a friend. 859s

Death is a friend. Death is not a friend. Death was not the will of God. Let's go to first Samuel. Please Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth and then you hit the Samuels. First Samuel chapter 15. 873s

First Samuel chapter 15 verse 32. 894s

First Samuel 15 32. 902s

Then Samuel said bring Aegig king of the Amalekites here to me. And Aegig came to him holtingly. Aegig said, surely this is the bitterness of death. 916s

Let's go to Psalm 55 verse 45. 933s

Psalm 55 verse 4. 939s

My heart is an anguish within me. The terrors of death have fallen upon me. 953s

Here you have death as a striped bitterness. Here you have it described as terrors. In 1 Corinthians 15 chapter it describes it as stain. 962s

Now perhaps we as Christians will use the term of death as friends because as believers we have a mixed feeling with regard to death. 975s

I think of the Himal creatures of our God and King and in it Bach pens come sweet death. 985s

Listen to the lyrics of this. And you most kind and gentle death waiting to hush our final breath. O praise him, Aliluia. 995s

You lead to heaven the child of God where Christ our Lord the way has trod. 1006s

So for the Christians we are understandably conflicted with regard to this. And in situations where there is months or years of suffering the person need not regret the feelings of relief that one can have when death does come. 1014s

Death as Christians can be referred to as a blessing. That being said it's also important to understand that death's origination was a consequence for sin. 1037s

And so death was a result of rebellion. We live in a culture that is a society of death. That almost it's too strong of a word. We understand where I'm hinting at here. 1055s

Where death is not understood as the consequence of the fall for sin. But it is this almost embrace of death as that which is good. 1077s

Death is not good because it is the result of the fall into sin. 1091s

Death can be good as the hymn because indeed the person that dies goes to it when they're in Christ goes to a far greater place. 1099s

You hear that tension on that when you're ministering to someone in grief that is a real point of sensitivity. 1112s

So for example if you say I'm thankful that their suffering is now over. 1124s

The person you're talking to might be comforted by that. The person that you're talking to might be angry at that. 1134s

So you just want to go where they are going. And remember our society, it's the hallmark society. 1144s

You get personal policy two days off. You get cards and meals. And then now you get back to normal. That society is push. 1157s

Grief doesn't work like that. It is doesn't. You have an intensity at the beginning and you have periods of intensity where it comes back. 1170s

And there's always a sense of loss that you carry with you to turn to someone in the initial stages of grief and to say it will get better. 1181s

You see they're not there. They're not there. You just walk with them wherever they're at in that. 1193s

Bring them the comfort of the promises of God and walk with them. Don't try and push them to where you want them to be. 1201s

Don't have any goals when you go into minister to them outside of Lord help me to bring your word and your presence of caring to this person and help me to be sensitive to where it is they are. 1215s

That's it. Don't leave after you've ministered to someone and said, there is there is sad as they were when I came. 1234s

Because then all of a sudden you're caring for them has become about who? Become about you. 1245s

And don't launch into the sense of saying I know exactly how you feel. 1254s

None of us know exactly how the other person feels. If we've gone through the loss of a loved one, if we've gone through the loss of a spouse or a loss of a child, or we can begin to approximate it certainly. 1265s

And it does open up doors of ministry. But remember when you're ministering to someone, keep the focus not on you but on them. 1278s

And quite often they'll ask you a question, have you ever gone through anything like this? Have you lost a child? Have you lost a spouse? Have you lost someone that's really close to you? 1294s

Then what are they doing? They're asking you. Then go ahead and answer it. But be very hesitant in terms of going any farther than that person is. 1307s

And if death is portrayed as a friend, remember our Christian tension in that. It's not a friend and for the Christian it is a friend. 1319s

So there's this sensitivity as we minister to someone who is in grief. Here's another thing. Another myth. 1332s

So if a death Christians become angels, members of God's heavenly host. Now why do I mention that? Because as you're ministering to the Christian regarding the loss of a loved one and that person was a Christian, you will have as you walk with them the glorious privilege and opportunity to share that they didn't become an angel in God. 1344s

What's the movie? What wonderful life. No. That their spirit is with God right now in paradise. It is a conscious reality. They know where they're at. Their suffering is ended. 1377s

And when Christ comes again, there will be the resurrection of the dead in which we will all live body and soul in heaven itself. That is so much better than getting our wings and floating around and eating dove bars. 1392s

Because that's the portrayal of playing a heart, eating a dove bar, floating around on clouds forever. No. We're going to be adoring God Almighty. We are going to be restored. We will all recognize one another. 1410s

What happens with these bodies when they remain out, whether they're buried or cremated, absolutely makes no difference. God takes the remains. He takes the ashes. He takes the dust. And as he created Adam and Eve out of the dust, Adam out of the dust. So also he will resurrect these bodies and we will live body and soul forever in heaven. 1427s

That is a comforting word to someone who has watched the body of their loved one. Literally sometimes disintegrate in front of them. And the image that they can have of that. And as you walk with a person to turn to them in in Holy Scripture and to say, I want to give you a different image. 1452s

And it's the image of your loved one. Fully restored body and spirit in heaven where there is no more illness, there are no more tears, there is no more suffering. That's a beautiful image to give them, which is far greater than the image of an angel. 1476s

So here's a fourth myth that can that can undergird what people will believe and sometimes people that are ministering will believe. And that is eternity begins when we die. 1500s

Eternity begins when we die. No, Scripture says that eternity begins when. 1513s

Eternal life begins in our baptism and we are all eternal beings, right? It's just a matter of where, whether it is here or whether it is in heaven or whether it is in hell, we're all eternal beings. 1523s

For the Christian, the joy is that eternity begins when God calls us His own in the waters of baptism. 1538s

Take a look at John chapter three, please. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and then John. 1549s

John chapter three. 1557s

Verse 36. 1566s

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. Whoever disobeys the Son will not see life but must endure God's wrath. 1581s

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. For us, then, as Christians today, is one more day in all of eternity. It's just where we will have that day, right? 1592s

It can be very, very helpful to walk with people of what happens through death because of time I can't do it right now. 1608s

But you can walk through Scripture and you can share with them. This is what happens at death. I remember there was a lady who just point blank turned to me in the hospital and said, so what's it going to be like? 1618s

What does it mean? What is it going to be like? She says, what's going to happen when I die? What's it going to be like? 1632s

And so we could walk through a series of Scriptures that show that death is that transition in living, that we are conscious here and now we're looking at each other, we're in God's house. 1639s

And then if one of us were to die, this very second, all of a sudden we are immediately transferred into the presence of God Almighty in paradise. 1651s

There's no going through this kind of dark tunnel. There's no kind of, okay, I'm in transit now. There's none of those kind of things. You are here and then you are there in the presence of God. 1661s

And you can walk through a portion of Scripture that talk about death and resurrection and it can be a wonderful, wonderful comfort to people so that they know it's absolutely nothing to be feared. 1676s

And for the Christian today is one more day in all of eternity. 1693s

You know, some very good work has been done in terms of stages of grief where you've got denial, anger, bargaining. 1698s

Bargaining is at stage of where a grieving person can say, if I just would have done this then this wouldn't have happened or if we wouldn't have gone there. 1705s

That's all kind of a tempts of bargaining with God after an event. 1715s

Denial anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. That is, I'm going to put this very loosely, typically the progression that people will go through in their grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 1723s

But people don't go through those stages. Now I'm on stage this, someone stage this. They don't do it. They don't go through predictable times and they can be all over the place. 1742s

But when you understand that those are the categories of that people will experience as they go through grief, it can be helpful as you walk along with them. 1753s

When you ask someone who is grieving, so how are you doing? And they say, I'm doing fine. Don't say, no really. How are you doing? 1769s

You know, I'm doing pretty good actually. Today is kind of a good day. No really. 1785s

Who's agenda is that? That's your agenda to think that no, this person has to be this way. 1795s

And there are going to be times within the same hour, even in the same minute that a person can be doing well and then they can be just doing absolutely lousy. 1802s

Absolutely lousy. And what is it that we do as Christians? We just keep walking along side of them. 1815s

Ministering and caring and bringing the word and letting them set the agenda. 1822s

Well, I hope it's helpful to kind of take a look at some of the myths that kind of undergird understanding of death and how we as Christians are so uniquely positioned to be able to bring to that one whose loved one had died in the Lord the ability and comforting word of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 1835s

Well, this is the end of the end of the line here for this teaching cycle. September 9 is the date when we will gear up again with a whole new nine months of of classes. 1859s

I hope that you will use the time during the summer months that you will enjoy the time of fellowship. 1874s

I also hope that you have taken a look in your worship folder for today or you will look if you are coming to the next service. 1881s

Throughout the summer, Pastor Maloneck and I beginning in June are going to explore various questions. 1888s

We are going to take a look at one of those questions each week and we are going to answer it from the scriptures. 1895s

So we are going to study one more week out of Acts and then we are going to move into the summer series on questions and then we are going to pick up right where we left off in the fall with regard to the book of Acts. 1902s

Thank you for these nine months. 1914s

Look forward to September 9th with you. 1915s

You 1936s