"Fear of Not Being Liked" 2-2-25

Overview

Freed from the Fear of Not Being Liked

We are made as social creatures, and the desire to be liked is woven into us. But that desire easily curdles into fear—a fear that drives our words, choices, and compromises. Paul names it directly: "Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10. Paul knew the pull personally. As a Roman citizen, a Pharisee, a respected teacher of the law, he had every marker of likability the world could offer—and he used that influence to persecute the church, dragging believers from their homes and standing by as Stephen was stoned. Likability without Christ is not neutral; it can become a weapon.

The markers have changed but the chase has not. We measure likability by neighborhoods, jobs, follower counts, thumbs-ups, and the company we keep. The self-help industry alone is worth billions because, deep down, we suspect that if people truly saw us—our anger, envy, lust, malice—they would not like what they see. So we craft a facade for the world. Worse, we try to wear that facade before God too, like the Pharisee thanking God he is not like the sinner beside him. But the Lord sees through every mask. The good news is that He does not respond to our pretense with rejection; He responds with steadfast love that does not compromise.

Jesus warned His disciples that the world that hated Him would hate them as well: "If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own... but I have chosen you out of the world" John 15:18-19. This is hard news that is also good news. We will not always be liked by the world's standards—because we no longer belong to it. Christ Himself was betrayed, rejected, beaten, and crucified under peer pressure for our sake. He did not crumble or compromise to win the world's approval; He remained steadfast in love and obedience to the Father, and He died and rose for you because God loves you in a way no human approval could ever match.

There is no twelve-step program for sin. There is one salvation, and it is Christ alone—not the steps you take, but the step He took to the cross and out of the tomb. In baptism you were marked as His own and sealed with the Holy Spirit. That is what makes you worthy of being liked: you are loved eternally by the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So you can stop performing. You are freed from the burden of pleasing people and freed to live obediently, lovingly, and faithfully as a servant of Christ—even if it feels like you are the only one. You are not. And you are loved.

Transcript

Hi, my name is Carrie and I am a recovering like a hollock. 3s

I open with that because I think I am in a room filled with those who are either like 12s

a hollock or recovering like a hollock as myself. 21s

We all want to be liked. 26s

It's normal. 28s

We are created as social creatures and we want others to like us. 29s

We want to be valued. 37s

We want to be worthy. 39s

If we are liked, it must mean that we're worthy of something. 42s

We're worthy of praise of admiration. 49s

Last week, we heard the good news that we are inadequate. 53s

Amen. 59s

Today, we are going to tackle the fear of not being liked. 60s

That fear that grips our soul, the fear that grips are being the fear that drives 67s

many of our everyday decisions, actions, words. 76s

What if they don't like me? 84s

What if they don't like me? 90s

If you would please open your Bibles to Galatians, the first chapter. 95s

If you're using a Pue edition of the Bible, you can find this on page 165 of the New Testament. 100s

We are looking at Galatians chapter 1 verse 10. 109s

Paul writes, am I now seeking human approval or God's approval? 117s

Or am I trying to please people? 124s

If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 127s

Paul knew what it was like to be liked by those around him. 135s

He knew what it was like to be respected and honored by those around him. 141s

Because he had grown up in the Jewish culture. 147s

He had grown up a Roman citizen, valis for Jewish tradition and law. 152s

He was a Pharisee. 159s

He was respected. 160s

He was well-learned. 162s

He had authority. 164s

He could walk anywhere. 167s

And he knew that by the very existence of him being a Roman citizen of Pharisee and an upholder 170s

of the Jewish law, he would be liked. 180s

Or at least people would pretend that they liked him. 185s

Anyone would look or could look at Paul and say that he had everything, every marker of being 193s

liked was set out for him. 202s

He knew what it was to be liked by others. 206s

In our day and age, what are the markers? 212s

What are the markers of the people that we know they're liked? 216s

Is it the neighborhood they live in? 221s

Is it the job they have? 224s

Is it the car they drive? 227s

Is it the amount of followers or friends in social media? 229s

Is it how many thumbs up or stars someone gets? 233s

Is it the company that they keep that we know that that person is liked? 239s

Is it the influence that a person has that makes them likable? 248s

Paul, he had a lot, a lot of influence. 255s

And what did he do with his influence? 261s

He persecuted the church. 264s

He dragged people out of their homes. 267s

He stood by and watched Stephen stoned, murdered for his faith. 270s

That is what Paul did with his likability. 279s

What do you do with your likability? 287s

What do you do to seek the approval of those around you and make sure that you are likable? 293s

How do you seek to convince the world around you that you are worthy of being liked? 303s

Did you know that we are so insecure in our ability of likability? 315s

That the self-help industry is an over $4 billion industry and that's 2024 alone. 325s

People seeking ways to be more likable, seeking ways to feel more worthy of their existence. 337s

So much money and energy and time that is poured into trying to be likable. 349s

Why? 362s

Why? 364s

Because we know that if we saw others or if we let others see ourselves and who we really are, 367s

we know we know they wouldn't like us. 389s

Because in the depths of our hearts, we are raging, raging with anger, 397s

raging with envy, raging with malice, raging with lust, 410s

raging with all sorts of sin. 418s

And so we seek out those 12 step programs to make us better, to make us likable. 425s

But who are we seeking approval from? 438s

Paul says, am I now seeking human approval or God's approval? 445s

Seeking approval in the Greek means to make friends of, to win favor, to gain or seek, 456s

to win someone, to please someone. In our lives, are we seeking to please those around us? 465s

And so we put up a facade of likability just so others will like us. 472s

So we can fit with those around us when we try to please people. 480s

That means that we're trying to accommodate the opinions and desires and interests of that person 488s

we're trying to please. I think we all have those moments in our lives that we can 499s

remember whether they are in the past, distant past or in the recent past, 507s

where we have sought to please someone else's want or interest or desire. 516s

And we've taken those opportunities to compromise what we know is right, 524s

to compromise our faith, our beliefs, to compromise who we are as Christian people 535s

and we seek after the world and we seek to please the world and when we seek to gain the world's approval, 546s

we are seeking to compromise the face to that which we belong and have been called to. 559s

Jesus warned his disciples in the Gospel of John. He warned them if the world hates you be 572s

aware that it hated me before it hated you. If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as 581s

own because you do not belong to the world but I have chosen you out of the world. Therefore, 588s

the world hates you. Last week we learned that we're in adequate. This week we learned that the 597s

world will hate us. The world will not like us but just as we found our inadequacy to be good 607s

news. My brothers and sisters find this to be good news that the world will hate you. You will not 617s

be liked according to the world's standards because God has chosen you out of the world. He has chosen 625s

you as his own. Who's approval do we seek? We know we know at our heart we are sinners. We know 638s

at our heart we are not likable because of our sin and we've tried to put forth the facade before 656s

others around us so they will like us so they will approve of us but we also try to put a facade 666s

before the Lord so he will like us and so he will approve of us and just like the the Pharisee and the 676s

tax collector who came before the Lord praying and the Pharisee says I am so grateful that I'm not 687s

like this sinner because I do all these things well and right. We come before the Lord so grateful 692s

that we are not like the world that we are not like the sinners out there because we do all these 702s

great things. We serve in our church. We read the Bible. We pray so it must mean we've done enough 711s

to be likable to the Lord. The Lord sees through the facade. The Lord sees exactly who you are 719s

but the Lord does not compromise. The Lord does not compromise his faithfulness 738s

and his steadfast love. Two and four you. If Jesus compromised his faith, if Jesus compromised 745s

and tried to seek the world approval where would we be? You see Jesus was betrayed for you. 760s

Jesus was rejected for you. Jesus was not approved of or liked by this world for you. 772s

He was beaten under false pretenses and he was crucified 791s

under peer pressure for you and he died the death of sin for you. Not because 799s

you have done or are doing the right things to be liked by him. He died the death to sin and 818s

rose victorious because he loves you because God loves you in a way that we can never love 831s

one another. God loves you in a way that you can't even love yourself. 843s

You don't have to fear not being liked because you know that you are loved. 857s

By the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jesus didn't crumble or compromise for you. 865s

He remained steadfast to his perfect purpose. He remained steadfast to his love. He remained steadfast 873s

to his faithfulness and obedience to the Father. The day that you were sealed in the Holy Spirit, 882s

the day that you were brought into freedom through the waters of baptism, you were marked 891s

marked as Christ's own, marked and sealed with his Holy Spirit. 899s

There's not a 12 step recovery program for our sin. There's one salvation for our sin 908s

and that is Christ and Christ alone. It is not the steps that you take. It is the step that he took. 919s

The step to the cross and the step out of the tomb. That is your recovery. That is your salvation. 931s

And that is what makes you worthy of being liked because you are Christ's own. 947s

Am I now seeking human approval or gods approval? Or am I trying to please people? 961s

If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 969s

You are freed from the burden of trying to please people, freed from the burden of trying to 976s

please the world around you. You are free to live. Obedient, loving and serving the Lord. 984s

It doesn't matter if you feel like you're the only one. 997s

Because A you're not and B you're serving Christ. You're serving Christ. 1005s

I am carry. I am a recovering like a hollock. 1024s

But I am so grateful that all of us here, all of us are liked and loved eternally 1031s

increased. Amen. 1049s