Disagreements: "Rift" 9-29-24

Overview

When Friendships Tear: Lessons from Paul and Barnabas

Friendships form in many ways—through shared interests, common worldviews, or simply over time. Disagreements are part of every friendship, and most can be worked through by talking, listening, and sometimes agreeing to disagree while remaining friends. But a rift is something different. A rift tears the very fabric of a relationship; it is a separation that goes beyond ordinary disagreement.

Scripture gives us an honest example in the partnership of Paul and Barnabas. These two had risked their lives together for the gospel. Barnabas—whose name means "son of encouragement"—had been the one who vouched for Paul before a wary church after his conversion Acts 9:27. Yet as they prepared for a second missionary journey, they clashed sharply over whether to bring John Mark, who had previously deserted the work in Pamphylia Acts 15:36-39. Barnabas, Mark's cousin, persistently advocated for him; Paul refused. The Greek word translated "sharp disagreement" is a strong term reserved for the most violent of arguments. The result was a rift: Barnabas sailed with Mark to Cyprus, and Paul took Silas through Syria.

So what does God call us to when a rift comes? Paul himself writes in Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Notice the double qualification. Sometimes the other person does not want peace, even when we genuinely seek it. Sometimes restoration is not possible or even prudent. That qualification invites honest self-examination—is there something here for me to repent of?—while also acknowledging that not every rupture can be mended on this side of heaven. Yet what is always required is forgiveness. When Peter asked how often he should forgive, Jesus answered, "not seven times, but seventy-seven times" Matthew 18:21-22—an idiom meaning without limit. Restoration and forgiveness are not the same thing. Restoration depends on both parties; forgiveness depends only on you. And the power to forgive flows from the cross, where Christ bore our sins and won forgiveness for us by His shed blood.

The story of Paul and Barnabas does not end at the rift. By God's grace, Mark changed and Paul's confidence in him was restored. Years later Paul writes, "Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry" 2 Timothy 4:11, and he speaks approvingly of Barnabas in 1 Corinthians 9:6. If there is a rift in your life, take heart: God will empower the "if possible," God will empower the "as much as it depends on you," and God will always empower you to forgive.

Transcript

What you open your Bibles, please, with me to the 15th chapter of the book of Acts for 4s

our study today. 9s

If you're using a Pew edition of Holy Scripture, you're going to find that on page 118. 10s

Acts the 15th chapter. 15s

We continue on in our series on friendships. 18s

In each and every week we are looking at various friendships in the Bible. 22s

It's interesting how friendships form, isn't it? 28s

Perhaps it's a commonality, perhaps it's over a hobby, an interest. 32s

Sometimes friendships just form over time. 40s

Maybe it's a world view. 44s

But let's go on and on, candid. 48s

But how friendships form, how people click in a friendship? 50s

What happens though if a disagreement comes up in a friendship? 61s

What happens then? 69s

Well, you work through it, right? 72s

You work through it. 74s

You talk with one another. 76s

You find out where each other is coming from. 78s

And sometimes, sometimes one simply has to come to the place where both people in the friendship 82s

say, you know, I don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this one. 90s

But you're still my friend. 96s

You're still my friend. 99s

What about though if a rift occurs? 103s

Is that different from a disagreement, isn't it? 110s

A rift is a tearing apart of the fabric of a friendship. 114s

A rift is this separation. 123s

It's beyond a disagreement. 126s

A rift is on a whole other level. 131s

What if that happens? 136s

What if that happens? 141s

We're going to study today, a biblical example of two friends that experienced a rift. 145s

What can we learn? 156s

What can we learn? 159s

Paul and Barnabas. 163s

Paul and Barnabas were friends. 166s

They had worked together for a year in ministering to the Gentile converts. 169s

Remember Gentile is an on Jewish person. 175s

Gentile converts to Christianity and they had worked for a year together in ministering 177s

to these Gentile converts. 184s

Barnabas had gone along with Paul on the first missionary journey. 188s

Literally, they had risked their lives for the proclamation of the gospel. 194s

Paul understood is the apostle to the Gentiles and Barnabas. 204s

Barnabas, whose very name means son of encouragement. 212s

In fact, when the church needed the sin somebody to encourage, it was Barnabas that they 217s

sent. 223s

Barnabas, Barnabas that advocated for Paul. 227s

Now, remember, before we know Paul is Paul, we know him as Saul. 232s

And when he was Saul, he was persecuting the church, he had dedicated himself to eradicating 236s

this way. 244s

These followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. 245s

He was rounding up Christians and throwing them into prison. 248s

But then the Lord converts his heart. 255s

And he becomes a follower of the very one that he was persecuting. 259s

You can understand, understandably so, right? 264s

How the early church would look at him with a little worry, knowing full well what he had 267s

been doing and persecuting the church. 274s

But it was Barnabas. 276s

It was Barnabas in the ninth chapter of Acts that we read. 278s

But Barnabas took him, being Paul. 284s

Barnabas took him, brought him to the apostles and described for them how on the 288s

road he had seen the Lord who had spoken to him and how in Damascus he had spoken boldly 294s

in the name of Jesus. 301s

Paul and Barnabas, they were friends, they were friends. 308s

And it came time for Paul to put together a team for the second missionary journey. 315s

And that's when things got off the rails. 327s

Look when we please, at verse 36 of the 15th chapter of Acts. 335s

The scripture says, after some days, Paul said to Barnabas, come. 342s

Let us return and visit the believers in every city where we proclaim the Word of the 347s

Lord and see how they're doing. 353s

That's a beautiful thing to do, isn't it? 355s

Then verse 37 says, Barnabas wanted to take with him, John called Mark, that Word there 358s

wanted in the tense of the Greek. 368s

It means that Barnabas was really persistent. 372s

He was persistent. 377s

He wanted John Mark to go. 379s

And he was persistent in communicating this to Paul. 383s

There was also a family relationship because scripture tells us that Barnabas and Mark, 389s

they were cousins together. 398s

So the scripture tells us there's this family relationship. 402s

And Barnabas is advocating here for his family member. 406s

Verse 38. 413s

But Paul decided not to take with them one who had deserted them in Pamphilia and had not 416s

accompanied them in the work. 424s

See Mark was on that first missionary journey. 430s

But Mark deserted Paul on the first missionary journey. 434s

Why? 441s

We don't know. 441s

There's theories that a bound that perhaps he didn't want to go into the treacherous 442s

mountains or he was afraid of persecution, whatever it was, whatever it was. 447s

He left. 453s

Paul says he's not going on this trip. 456s

He's not going on this trip. 462s

What happens? 469s

But a rift in it. 473s

Tearing. 477s

We go on. 478s

Verse 39. 480s

The disagreement became so sharp that they parted company. 482s

Were there so sharp? 494s

That's a special word in the Greek. 496s

That's a special word that means that that disagreement here was a violent explosion. 499s

It is a special word that is reserved. 507s

It's reserved for the most terrible of arguments, the most terrible of arguments. 511s

What happens here? 522s

But this disagreement explodes into this violent explosion. 524s

It is the most terrible of arguments. 530s

And there's a rift. 532s

There's a tearing of this friendship. 535s

We go on. 540s

Verse 39. 542s

Halfway through Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. 543s

But Paul chose Silas and set out the believers commending him to the grace of the Lord. 548s

He went through Syria and Silasia strengthening the churches. 555s

Is two friends here? 561s

Is two friends? 563s

Is a rift. 567s

Rift. 571s

If that happens in a relationship, what is it that God wants us to do? 577s

Let's go, please. 598s

Jerome is the 12th chapter. 599s

That's page 142. 602s

If you're in the Pew edition, 604s

Romans chapter 12 verse 18. 606s

So if a rift occurs in a friend relationship, 613s

what is it that does not have a rift? 616s

God, what does it he wants us to do? 616s

Romans chapter 12 verse 18, there we read. 622s

If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, 626s

live peacefully with all. 633s

If it's possible, so far as it depends on you, 636s

live peacefully with all. 640s

Notice the double qualification here. 643s

If it's possible, and here comes the second qualification. 647s

So far as it depends on you. 653s

Paul says in 1st, this is the 5th chapter. 660s

He says, see that none of you repays evil for evil, 662s

but all we seek to do good to one another and to wall. 666s

That's in the same vein here of what is recorded 670s

in the 12th chapter of the book of Romans. 674s

If it's possible, so far as it depends on you, 678s

live peacefully with others. 681s

If it is possible, because the reality is, 684s

sometimes the other does not want peace, 691s

even though you made a Zion peace. 696s

This scripture says, if it's possible, so far as it 700s

depends on you. 704s

So is there something there for you to repent of 708s

if a rift occurs? 715s

It's a double qualification. 721s

If it's possible, so far as it depends on you, 724s

and what does the double qualification then tell us, 728s

it means that sometimes restoration 733s

will not be possible. 741s

It tells us that depending upon the circumstances, 745s

restoration may not be prudent. 754s

What then? 762s

What then? 766s

The Lord Jesus Christ, the second member of the Trinity, 774s

when he came to earth, the incarnation, 780s

he came to win forgiveness. 784s

Jesus Christ took all of our sin, all of our fallenness. 792s

All of the sins of thought were indeed 797s

what we've done and left on done. 799s

He took all of that upon himself at the cross. 802s

He shed his blood for us. 807s

He paid the penalty for our sin. 810s

The wrath of God was laid upon Jesus 813s

and forgiveness for us was one. 819s

Our sin that separates us from God, 826s

from all of eternity, Jesus dealt with it on the cross. 829s

Winning the word of absolute, 836s

that we hear this morning, 839s

winning that word of forgiveness through his shed blood, 841s

winning forgiveness. 849s

On a human level, 856s

sometimes the relationship cannot be restored, 862s

but there is always to be forgiveness. 871s

Always. 879s

Peter turns to our Lord and Matthew the 18th chapter. 883s

The Scripture says, then Peter came and said to him, 887s

Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, 890s

how often should I forgive? 893s

As many as seven times, Peter thought it was being quite 896s

dignatious about that. 899s

As many as seven times, Jesus said to him, 901s

not seven times, but I tell you, 70, seven times. 904s

That was just a phrase in ancient day, 910s

which means without limits, without limits. 913s

That means that there is to be forgiveness always, 920s

forgiveness always. 924s

There's a difference, isn't there, 926s

between restoration and forgiveness. 929s

There's a difference between the two of them. 934s

Restoration, if possible, absolutely. 939s

Forgiveness. 946s

Forgiveness. 949s

Always. 953s

So, how that story between Poland, Barnabas? 961s

How that end up? 968s

How did end up? 970s

Scripture tells us that Mark by the grace of God changed 974s

and Paul's confidence was renewed. 980s

We read in second Timothy the fourth chapter, 984s

Paul says, get Mark and bring him with you 988s

for he's useful in my ministry. 993s

Get Mark. 998s

We also read in 1 Corinthians the 9th chapter 1000s

of how Paul writes approvingly of Barnabas. 1003s

So, how did that story turn out? 1010s

There was restoration. 1016s

How about with you? 1023s

Is there a rift? 1028s

Is there a rift with someone? 1031s

Is there a rift that tore the very fabric of that friendship? 1035s

God will empower the if possible. 1047s

God will empower the as much it depends on you. 1056s

God will empower and God will empower 1066s

to forgive. 1073s