Summary
Disagreements and Rifts in Christian Friendship
A disagreement is one thing; a rift is something else entirely. Most disagreements between friends can be worked through by talking, listening, and understanding where the other is coming from. Sometimes friends simply have to conclude, "We're not going to see eye to eye on this — but you are still my friend." A rift is different. A rift is a tearing apart of the very fabric of a friendship, a separation that goes beyond a difference of opinion.
Scripture does not hide such moments, even among the saints. Paul and Barnabas had been close coworkers. Barnabas — whose name means "son of encouragement" — had been the one who vouched for Saul before a wary church after his conversion Acts 9:27. They had risked their lives together proclaiming the gospel to the Gentiles. Yet when Paul proposed a second missionary journey to revisit the churches Acts 15:36, Barnabas insisted on bringing his cousin John Mark, while Paul refused because Mark had deserted them earlier in Pamphylia. The Greek word translated "sharp disagreement" in Acts 15:39 is reserved for the most violent of arguments. The friendship tore. Barnabas sailed with Mark to Cyprus; Paul took Silas through Syria and Cilicia. This was a true rift.
When such a tearing happens, what does God call His people to do? Paul himself later writes, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" Romans 12:18. Notice the double qualification. If it is possible — because sometimes the other party will not be at peace, no matter how earnestly peace is sought. So far as it depends on you — which calls for honest self-examination: is there something here for me to repent of? The qualifications also acknowledge a hard truth: sometimes restoration will not be possible, and depending on the circumstances, may not even be prudent.
This is where a crucial distinction must be drawn between restoration and forgiveness. Restoration of the relationship is the goal whenever possible, but it requires both parties and right circumstances. Forgiveness, however, is never optional for the Christian. When Peter asked whether forgiving seven times was sufficient, Jesus answered, "Not seven times, but seventy-seven times" Matthew 18:21-22 — an idiom meaning without limit. Forgiveness, always.
The ground of this calling is the cross. The Lord Jesus Christ took upon Himself every sin of thought, word, and deed — sins of commission and omission — and bore the wrath of God in our place. By His shed blood He won forgiveness for sinners separated from God. Christians who have been forgiven this much are equipped, by that same grace, to forgive others, even when the human relationship cannot be put back together on this side of eternity.
The story of Paul and Barnabas does not end at the rift. By God's grace, Mark changed, and Paul's confidence in him was renewed. Years later Paul writes, "Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry" 2 Timothy 4:11, and he speaks approvingly of Barnabas in 1 Corinthians 9:6. Restoration came. Wherever a rift exists, God will empower the if possible, the so far as it depends on you, and — always — the forgiveness won at Calvary.
Video citations
- Disagreements: "Rift" 9-29-24 — What you open your Bibles, please, with me to the 15th chapter of the book of Acts for our study today. If you're using a Pew edition of Holy Scripture, you're going to find that on page 118. Acts…