Summary
The Most Important Family Relationship
In Matthew 12:46-50, while Jesus is teaching the crowds, his mother and brothers stand outside, asking to speak with him. The parallel account in Mark 3:20-21 fills in the reason: his family had come to "restrain him," because some were saying he had gone out of his mind. At this point in the gospel narrative, Joseph has died, and Jesus has four stepbrothers—James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon—along with stepsisters whose names Scripture does not record. Strikingly, prior to the resurrection, his brothers did not believe in him John 7:5, and it is possible Mary herself was not yet trusting him as Savior and Lord. After the resurrection the picture changes completely: James becomes the leader of the church in Jerusalem and writes the epistle bearing his name.
When told his family is outside, Jesus answers with a question: "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he declares, "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." This is not disrespect toward Mary or his siblings; it is teaching. Jesus is drawing a sharp distinction between biological relationship and spiritual relationship—and showing which is ultimate.
Scripture repeatedly makes this distinction. In Galatians 4:22-23, Paul contrasts Abraham's two sons: Ishmael "born according to the flesh," and Isaac "born through the promise." Both were biological sons; only one was the child of promise. So too with David: when Samuel went to anoint a king from the sons of Jesse, the Lord rejected the impressive Eliab, saying, "The LORD looks on the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7. The youngest son, overlooked in the field with the sheep, was the chosen one. Outward, biological standing is not the same as spiritual standing before God.
The point of Jesus' question is unmistakable: the most important relationship a person can have is relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. This does not minimize family bonds—spouses, children, parents, grandchildren are gifts of God—but every other relationship stands beneath this one. Nothing would deter Jesus from accomplishing the work that brings us into this family. When Peter, just after his great confession, tried to turn Jesus from the cross, he heard the sharp rebuke, "Get behind me, Satan!" Matthew 16:23. The work of redemption could not be set aside, because it is precisely that work that makes us members of God's family.
There is a beautiful reversal in how God orders his priorities compared to ours. We are rightly taught: God first, family second, work third. But God himself reverses the order in love. He puts work first—the work of redemption accomplished in Christ on the cross. He puts family second—gathering us as sons and daughters through that work. And he puts himself last, the Servant of all, who takes on flesh and bears our sin so that we might be washed in his blood and raised with him.
This is family by rebirth. The will of the Father is that we believe in his Son and follow him, and this too is gift: in the waters of Holy Baptism we are made disciples, washed in the forgiveness won at the cross, joined to the victory of the empty tomb, claimed as God's own. For those who carry an ache in the heart for a child, spouse, parent, or grandchild who is not yet in this relationship, the calling is to keep planting the seeds of the gospel, keep inviting, and trust the God of the family—the One who alone gives the new birth.
Video citations
- The Most Important Family Relationship: "Family by Rebirth" 11-5-23 — You open your Bibles, please, with me to the 12th chapter of the gospel of Saint Matthew. If you're using a few edition, you'll find that page 12 in the New Testament. Matthew the 12th chapter for…